


A Most Egregious Faux-Pas

by vampire_chunks



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Cookies, Crack, F/F, Hilarity, Laura's Magnificent Abs, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 02:06:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6034047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampire_chunks/pseuds/vampire_chunks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A romantic bit of nonsense in which tiny gay Laura desires the company of her broody gay vampire.  Set amidst the crackery of Season 2 (post couch goodness) before everything gloriously went to hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Most Egregious Faux-Pas

Laura was exhausted.

Adorably exhausted, but exhausted nonetheless.

In truth, it was difficult for Laura to be anything _other_ than adorable since that was her single most defining characteristic.

Yes, there were times that she could be angry. Or excited. Or gay. Or a bit confused. But she was always _adorably_ angry and excited and gay and confused, because Laura was f---ing adorable.  
  
At this particular point in time, our adorable Miss Hollis was readying herself for bed after a thoroughly exhausting day of whatever the heck she was doing to prevent further murder and mayhem at Silas University. The morning had amounted to another totally useless news webcast, thanks in no small part to Matska Belmonde’s artful interference. ( _Stupid vampire._ ) Her cheerful dismissal of student safety was every bit as insufferable as her perfectly coiffed good-looks.

Laura sneered.

So what if Mattie was shrewd and terrifying and bent on murdering her?

So what if the students were gently being coaxed to ignore venomous spider plagues as they engaged in civil warfare?

Laura had the cause of righteousness on her side and a courageous band of friends of varying sexual preferences. No, she was _not_ going down without a fight; Silas and her rivals be damned! Hadn’t they faced impossible odds before and come out on the other side victorious? It was going to take more than a corrupt board of governors and an evil vampire steeped in _haute couture_ to defeat her.

Of course, it certainly didn’t hurt that Laura just-so-happened to be dating an _impossibly_ gorgeous (and freakishly strong), heroically awesome vampire of her own. Carmilla (HER Carmilla, because screw Mattie or anyone else) was a leather clad, finely honed weapon of sarcasm and fury. The forces of hell could rage against her for all that Laura cared; her panther-esque girlfriend would tear them all to shreds and look scorchingly hot while doing so.  
  
And sure, it didn’t make a tremendous amount of sense for one’s survival rate to _increase_ upon dating and sexing a vampire, but Laura’s collegiate experience hadn’t exactly been the hallmark of safety and stability. You had to take whatever advantages you could when giant anglerfish god-demons wanted to feast on your nearest and dearest.

Besides, Carmilla was _really_ stupid hot. Her allure was bordering on the ridiculous.

So Laura was happy to give her the benefit of the doubt when Carmilla had proven time and time again that she was perfectly capable of self-restraint. Laura was still alive, after all, despite several opportunities Carmilla had had to eat her.  
  
Laura grinned.

_Perhaps we should rephrase that: Carmilla was capable of_ **some** _self-restraint._   

While in this frame of lively contemplation, Laura decided, rather shockingly, that she wasn’t feeling quite so exhausted anymore.

Indeed, if there was one thing that brightened a really lousy day, it was getting hot and frisky with her vampire.

She quickly began rummaging through a pile of clothes in her dresser in an effort to procure something sexy and adorable.

I mean, let’s be serious: if there was one combination that Laura managed well, it was that of a sexy/adorable cinnamon roll.

Eventually she settled upon a small pair of shorts and a wonderfully form-fitting tank top. It was the perfect outfit if your goal was to seduce your girlfriend while simultaneously gaying up the universe.

The clock on the wall struck eleven o’clock.

_Holy crap, was it seriously that late?_

After hastily changing, Laura hopped over to their bed where she could drape herself sexily on top of the covers.

It didn’t take much to “motivate” Carmilla when it came to the business of sexing Laura, but she still enjoyed making the occasional effort to present herself as a very delectable Canadian canapé. Should she sit forward? Should she lie back to better accentuate her firm and flexible body?

Feeling as though she might not look sufficiently tempting enough, she opted to grab a package of cookies on her nightstand in case Carmilla was feeling peckish.

Chocolate chips and Laura (or on top of Laura, really) were two of Carmilla’s favorite things.

Time crept on. Laura crunched on one of the cookies and shifted on top of the covers again.

There was still no sign of her ravishing vampire.

Was she downstairs reading more boring philosophical literature? How many hours could someone conceivably do that?  
  
She stretched, fell back, and stared up at the canopy that hung over their very comfortable bed.

So... the Dean used to sleep here at night.

_That_ wasn’t unsettling.

At all.  
  
Still, as Laura helped herself to several more cookies, she had to admit that a tiny, wicked part of her was secretly thrilled to know it. A little schadenfreude was to be expected when Laura had been on the receiving end of the woman’s twisted sacrificial schemes.

_Yeah,_ she thought _. That’s right, you villainous cow. I’m sleeping in your bed! I’m eating cookies and the crumbs are getting everywhere, and when your “daughter” gets here, I’m going to—_ _  
_  
Suddenly, in that very moment, the door swung open with a startling _crack_ , causing Laura to nearly bounce off the bed.

As if summoned preternaturally by Laura’s naughty thoughts, Carmilla casually strode into the room, looking stoic and hot as f---.  
  
“Hey,” said Carmilla in a nonchalant manner before heading in the direction of their closet. It was only a single word, yet it still managed to turn Laura just a little bit gayer. (The author as well.)  
  
“Oh hey!” said Laura, quickly scooting forward in an adorably enticing way. “What took you so long? There were cookies here, but… um. I promise I was planning to save you some.”  
  
Carmilla didn’t immediately respond as she opened the closet doors and disappeared inside. “That’s fine. I’m not really in the mood for cookies.”  
  
Huh. Not a single comment about attacking Laura nor some clever rebuttal about frisking her to make sure the cookies were gone.

“Well,” said Laura in a wonderfully suggestive tone as she placed her hands behind her on the mattress. “What exactly _are_ you in the mood for?”  
  
“Anything other than the Type A I’ve been sucking on for the past two weeks.”

When Carmilla eventually reemerged from the interior of the closet, she was wearing a different outfit— equally as sexy as the one she had on before but far more suited for the outdoors.  
  
Laura looked crestfallen. _Adorably_ crestfallen. “What?! You’re going out?”  
  
“The blood in the fridge is getting old, and it’s starting to taste like whatever cleanser the ginger keeps using in the fridge. Besides,” Carmilla said in her sexually sarcastic way of saying things, “vampires are _nocturnal_. It’s hard for me to stay cooped up in here at night without going a little stir-crazy.”  
  
Laura supposed that that made sense, but she was still a little hurt. “Well, I guess that’s... Wait. Does that mean you don’t like sleeping in here with me at night?”  
  
Carmilla stopped and gave her a look that was both bemused and incredulous. “You can’t seriously be asking me that.”  
  
“Well how am I _supposed_ to interpret that statement? You just said you don’t like being cooped up in here with me every night!”  
  
“I said it can be hard—  _particularly_ when my girlfriend is on a different sleeping schedule than I am. It has nothing to do with the pleasure of your company in the waking hours of my day, cupcake.”

Laura was only slightly mollified, but she still felt like she was getting nowhere with her. “Alright, I guess I can sort of understand, but… I was still kinda hoping that we could snuggle tonight.”  
  
Carmilla sighed. “I’m sorry, but I’m starving, and the last thing you want is to start necking with a hungry vampire.”

She sat down on a chair and began lacing up her boots before Laura could offer further protest.   

Alright. Fine. So her seduction tactics hadn’t worked. Or maybe Carmilla’s hunger had just taken precedence over her lust.

But there was an air of apathy to this whole messy business that seemed markedly _off_ to Laura.

So she tried a different tactic. (An _adorable_ tactic, point of fact.)  
  
“Well what if you... just sort of... snacked on me tonight and saved the main blood-run for tomorrow?”

The offer was made with obvious timidity, but Laura was willing to lose a little blood for a very worthy cause. (Sex.) She emphasized the attractiveness of her offer by gently lifting the hem of her tank top to reveal a glorious abdominal structure— one that curiously belied her steady diet of pre-packaged snack-treats.  
  
Carmilla looked up and simply stared.

It was impossible not to stare, because Laura’s stomach was magnificent.  
  
“That isn’t a good idea,” said Carmilla very, _very_ stiffly. “I’m liable to get carried away with you, and the Silas News Network would be _lost_ if their prized reporter was out of commission due to a severe case of vampire hickies.” (She may have said that last part a bit acerbically.)  
  
Laura frowned. She was starting to get concerned. When had Carmilla _ever_ turned her down before?

Especially when Laura was sporting so much delicious skin to be eagerly snacked upon?

Yes, she had been painfully aware of her girlfriend’s broodiness of late, which was strangely different from the customary broodiness that typically just left Laura aroused.

And okay... she was still really aroused by Carmilla right now because _this was Carmilla_ and hot damn did she manage to make the most innocuous things sexually arousing.

But Laura could tell that _this_ brooding was different. It was a disconsolate kind of brooding that encouraged hot vampires to spend their evenings reading depressing philosophy books instead of eating popcorn out of your navel. And while Laura fancied herself to be a rather perceptive person, the simple truth of the matter was that she was generally pretty oblivious when it came to the vampiric object of her affections.  
  
And then it hit her.  
  
The brooding.

The couch.

The conversation they had had earlier that evening after she’d inhaled six episodes of _Scandal._

Carmilla, with all varieties of romantic intention, had asked her to pretend— just _pretend_ for one night— that they could run away together: a fantasy that would find them travelling all over the world, drinking copious amounts of champagne while sexing themselves stupid in opulent hotel rooms.

“ _You and me in love”_ were the words she had used before melting Laura like a chocolate bar with some beautifully orchestrated Carmilla kisses.  

And Laura?

Laura had summarily responded by tossing an ice-cold bucket of reality down the front of Carmilla’s pants.

_“But our friends need us. The school needs us. Blah blah blah, something something...”_

Smooth, Hollis. Really smooth.  
  
Okay, then. She had majorly effed that up.

And considering her recent track record lately, it was evident that this was starting to become a pattern.

But Laura was always the first to admit when she’d done something wrong, and she was not above doing anything and everything to atone for her rather egregious faux-pas.  
  
So tonight she was going to atone the _heck_ out of Carmilla.

For several hours.

At least.  
  
With the sleek finesse of a tiny ninja, Laura rolled off of their bed and onto the floor in a masterfully swift movement.

Carmilla was busying herself with a stack of wallets on top of their dresser that she had “relieved” from various Summers and Zeta members. Ordinarily, her keen vampiric sensibilities made it impossible for Laura to startle her, plus her general gayness for all things Laura made tracking her movements that much easier.

She was startled, however, when a pair of arms wrapped themselves tightly around her torso from behind.  
  
“Hey,” said Laura, turning up the seductive charm. “Do you know that I really love to swim?”  
  
Carmilla was (not exactly) trapped in Laura’s arms, wearing a blank yet sexy expression. “Laura, I am not taking you down to the pool tonight. Didn’t you catch the missive about the giant squid that’s been snacking on members of the polo team?”  
  
“I also love horseback riding and the ballet,” Laura gamefully continued. “My dad used to take me all of the time when I was little. To both, I mean. I also love Italian food.”  
  
Carmilla looked back at her small, beautiful companion, who stood grinning very attractively behind her shoulder. If she wasn’t confused before, she was definitely lost now. “I’m not following you.”  
  
“Well,” said Laura, stealthily sliding her hands under the hem of Carmilla’s shirt. ”If… _hypothetically_ … we were planning on running away together, I think it’s only reasonable that you would take some of my likes and interests into account before you started making travel arrangements. What if we wound up in Australia and you suddenly discovered I was deathly afraid of snakes?”    
  
There was a brief pause as the pair merely stared at one another, heightening the copious amounts of sexual tension that always occurred whenever they were touching.

Or breathing.

Or existing, really.

Carmilla raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow, and the world was a little gayer for it.

“I thought it was decided that we weren’t going anywhere,” Carmilla coolly stated.  
  
“And _you_ said you wanted to pretend,” Laura countered, sliding her hands just a little bit higher. “But do I really need to pretend how amazing it would be to travel the world with you? I think I would much rather experience that for myself with my gorgeous, intensely kissable roommate.”

She calmly shifted around Carmilla’s frame, keeping her hands fixed on her skin. “I mean…” she said softly, looking up into Carmilla’s eyes, “we won’t be at Silas forever. There’s a whole wide world for us to explore, and maybe I want to spend some time getting to know you outside of an impending apocalypse; _especially_ if it involves hotel bedrooms.”    

She emphasized her point by running her fingers slowly up the contours of Carmilla’s spine.  
  
Carmilla’s eyes narrowed in a predatory fashion.

It seemed as though Laura’s ministrations were having their desired effect.

So the game had changed.

But Carmilla wasn’t ready to let her gain the upper-hand...  
  
Yet.  
  
“I think you’re just trying to distract me,” said Carmilla in a dark and incredibly arousing tone. The faintest hint of a smile played over her features that was far more menacing than wholesome.

But she made no move to be free of Laura’s arms, because honestly… who in their right minds would?

“Or maybe I’m just trying to remind you how _warm_ I can get when you look at me like that,” she grinned mischievously.

It was an underhanded move to provoke Carmilla like this, but Laura was hardly a saint. She pressed herself a little more suggestively against her vampire so that she _knew_ just how warm Laura was getting.

Predictably, Carmilla’s resolve started to crumble as her gaze traveled down to Laura’s neck. “It takes a reckless kind of stupidity to taunt a hungry vampire.”  
  
“Oh, but I _excel_ at recklessness.”

Laura confirmed this by casually leaning forward to place a gentle bite to Carmilla’s lower lip.

“So where are you taking me?” she whispered breathily against Carmilla’s slightly-parted mouth.  
  
Carmilla’s eyes went black.

She was done.

Quite done.

Laura had won the game.

Again.  
  
Carmilla grabbed her and pressed her against the wall, madly giving into the whims of her small companion.

“Well…” she purred as her hands eagerly sought the magnificent curves of Laura’s  behind, “I might have a few ideas about what to do with you.”  
  
“Tell me,” the thirsty cupcake responded as she kissed her girlfriend rather wantonly.  
  
“Depends,” Carmilla muttered between their fevered kisses. “What do you want to do first?” She easily hoisted Laura off the ground, and Laura responded by enthusiastically wrapping her tiny legs around Carmilla's waist.  
  
“...Surprise me,” she answered breathlessly and carelessly, because holy effing sandwiches, _Carmilla’s tongue_.

It was difficult to tell who was getting more turned on: Laura, Carmilla, or the reader. 

Carmilla maneuvered Laura clumsily against the dresser, upsetting a rather hideous Tiffany lamp that went toppling to the floor. She failed to care as she was drunk on Laura’s kisses, which were infinitely more important than the antique furnishings.

It recalled to mind their first night together after a “star-filled” trip to the solarium. The room was a wreck when Laura woke up that morning. Their friends all thought they’d been moving furniture.  
  
The kissing quickly turned into necking, which only made matters worse. Carmilla’s lust had gotten the better of her hunger, but now the cravings were getting confused. She could practically taste the deliciously hot blood thrumming through Laura’s veins, all but begging her to bite her everywhere and in several different positions.

She had warned Laura about this earlier, and Laura, of course, dismissed her threats. It was her own fault, really; she had lulled the tiny human into a false sense of security.

_Yes. Provoke me. Engage the starving vampire by climbing me like a jungle gym. Wear sexy outfits that show off your neckline. What could possibly go wrong?_  

She placed her teeth ever-so-brazenly on Laura’s neck against her carotid artery. All it would take is a teeny-tiny bite to penetrate the skin.

But there were kinder ways of drawing blood from her creampuff that Laura might enjoy a bit more, and no matter how tempting a quick bite might be, she was far more interested in _feasting_ on her.

Slowly, and just a _little_ reluctantly, Carmilla’s lips moved up until her mouth was pressed against Laura’s ear:

“There’s a beautiful cove in Menorca, Spain with some of the loveliest turquoise waters you could swim in.”  
  
Laura was having trouble thinking and was unable to form complete sentences.

“We’re… You… What… Spain?”  
  
Carmilla grinned very wickedly.

“Although,” she continued, now sucking on Laura's earlobe, “if you wanted something a little more secluded, there are islands in Panama that afford a little more _privacy_.”  
  
“ _Oh_ _yes_...” Laura stammered as she moved her hands out of Carmilla’s shirt and slid them up into her hair. “Both. Let’s do both. All of the places... All of the things. Oh freaking fudge… _don’t stop doing that!_ ”  
  
Carmilla had no intention of stopping what she was doing (or who she was doing, to be more specific.) She began moving backwards in a haphazard effort to locate the edge of their mattress.

“I’ll take you horseback riding in Tuscany,” she whispered hotly against Laura’s neck. “We’ll stay in a 17th century villa and you can eat yourself sick on Italian cooking.”  
  
“ _YES_...” Laura moaned, though it was slightly unclear what exactly she so heartily approved of: the idea of exploring the Tuscan hills on horseback or the feel of Carmilla’s tongue against her throat.

She leaned back down for another searing kiss as her hands made quick work of Carmilla’s shirt buttons. “Tuscan wineries… Tuscan cooking.... You are wearing WAY too much clothing, Carm.”  
  
Indeed, Carmilla was wearing too much clothing, but any clothing on Carmilla was _always_ too much. That hardly needed voicing.  
  
“Forgive me,” she smirked with Laura’s mouth on hers. She could taste the chocolate chip cookies Laura had been snacking on earlier.

The bed was surely around here somewhere, but _where_ was the better question. A more competent vampire wouldn't have allowed their victim to strip them of all sense of direction, but with Laura assaulting her like a lioness in heat, no one was going to blame Carmilla for a little incompetency. Least of all Laura. (Honestly.)  
  
Eventually, the back of Carmilla’s legs made contact with the soft edge of their mattress. She hastily sat down, taking Laura with her as Laura eagerly divested her of both her shirt and jacket.     
  
“What else did you want?” Carmilla grinned darkly, sitting there in her lacy black bra and do I really need to embellish this scene with more descriptions than that?  
  
“What do you _think_ I want?” said Laura incredulously as if Carmilla was the most dense person on earth.  
  
“You mentioned something else…” the vampire continued after turning and pressing Laura down on the mattress. Laura’s top had suddenly ridden up a bit and _how dare this wonderfully magnificent creature try to cover herself up with clothing_ _?_ “The ballet, was it?”  
  
“Carm, I _seriously_ don’t care right now,” said Laura, seriously not caring.    
  
But Carmilla was evil and sexy and EVIL, so she continued to taunt her adorably hapless human.

“For the ballet, we’d start off in Moscow where I could take you to an evening performance at the Bolshoi— more for its historical significance than anything.” She slid Laura’s top up a bit further while tracing a line of lingering kisses up her stomach. “In all honesty,” she drawled between mouthfuls of skin, “I much prefer the Mariinsky Theatre in St. Petersburg. It’s noticeably smaller, but the velvet green decor is _so_ much more stunning in the interior.”  
  
Laura grabbed Carmilla by the front of her bra and pulled her up so that they were facing each other.

“ _Carm..._ ” she said with no lack of frustration, “If you don’t stop talking, I’m going to kill you.”  
  
Carmilla leaned down just above Laura’s chin. “Yeah, but I’m already dead.”   

The pair locked eyes. They smiled at each other.

It was actually pretty disgusting.  
  
“Carm?”  
  
“Mmm-hmm?”  
  
“I also love stargazing.”  
  
Carmilla ran her tongue over her fangs.

“Don’t worry, cutie. I think I’ve got that one covered.”

\-----

They “stargazed” for the next three hours.


End file.
